I'm ok..

I am ok...i hear myself say.
The day is like a night and the night stretches forever...
i lie and look at the moon, seeing the clouds just run over.
Its like a chapter in the history of tomorrow..
this - what i am going through.
I walk the winding path that is running through the forest..
Call me, o spirits of the jungle...i tried and i cannot get through.
in the meantime, i can hear myself say..
i am ok and the sunshine that peeks through the showers makes a little rainbow even today !

A million ....

I heard, ....a million whispers in my ears,

Today the wind called on me and told me.

She has not forgotten..she remembers u.

A million soft touches on my face,

today the breeze touched me.

He has not gone any where..he is here, with u.

With a million splashes of color on my canvas,

today the leaves drenched me.

Even in autumn, today, it is spring.

For, in my heart,

I have a million beats..

And if not all,

at least i can hear one of them...

......................................................one at a time.

What is my vision...?

(From the Archives. Penned on 11th Sept. Of 1998, Singapore)

It is an unrealised dream...
That i want to realise into reality. For me, my vision is a frail figure, flitting across the sands of time, dancing on the morning dew, walking on a rainbow, a ghostly figure in white.
Real - but not really real
- a figment of my imagination,

who reaches out to pick a fallen flower and put it in her hair.

She is someone I strive to be...
breathing in the freshness of the air,
drawing strength from a leaf on the tree.

She is humanity.
A blend of the gallant knight,
and the fairy princess,
mixing the best in a man & the best in a woman...

He is the bread winner of the family,
the pillar of strength that will not fall,
the Hero, who will be the star.
Someone they are proud of,
Someone they look upto - to learn from.
The man in shining armour.
Tough - yet gentle,
mysterious - yet simple,
Handsome - but not perfect,
Yes - he too can make mistakes -
but maybe..just one at a time.

He - who makes you proud to be a She.

She, the epitome of goodness, and inner beauty.
so fair, so just, honest and pure.
Love, its in her eyes.
Caring, in her touch.
She is your support system - always there.
No matter what you do,
No matter where you go.
She inspires you to cross the widest river, Without a boat .
To reach to the top.
She makes you believe you can.
Because she trusts you to perform...
Whatever be the task, whatever be the hurdle,
She inspires you to reach out and touch the stars.

That's what I want to be,
That is where i want to go,
On the journey to perfection of humanity.

And as I go on this exciting path,
along the way, I want to contribute.
I want to make a difference.
To the people I live with.
To the people I work with.
To the system around me,
At home and at work.
To take people along with me,
Achieve some goals, some big.
and some small.
Some that will make a big difference,
And also some that won't.

Because, when you throw a pebble in the river, you know the ripples reach out far.
I have to be careful. very careful. Not to upset someone else's boat as I launch mine...and I want to get there unharmed. And, if possible, with others along with me. Because, he is a weary traveller that travels but alone...And at the end, when i am gone, I would love to leave behind, if only one person who has understood where I was coming from, and where I was going to, and if he wants to do something, he would be able to draw from my life. To add to his own. And I would know, somehow, that, yes, I made a difference. Not only to myself but to another human being as well - at least ONE. If not more...!

Not lose it on the way..

I told my soul today.
Just stay.
for now, in this moment, today.

I told my heart today.
Keep beating,
for now,for the moment, for today.

I told my mind today.
Dont run,
relax, dont think about anything, today.

But, every now and then,
my soul goes a wandering ..
my heart beats too fast..
and my mind is abuzz with thoughts.

i want to look in the mirror and connect with my soul.
I want to gaze into the river and see the stars shining within.
i want to talk to someone and sort out the thoughts in my mind

But, I also heard it say that till 'i want..', 'i will keep wanting'..
So , i am trying to remove the wanting, but it seems the road is long ..
It seems to stretch forever and i am the lone traveller.

Bit by bit, i will try to cover it.
Just trying to think that this step could be the last one
that i will have to step alone.
And telling myself that, if no one joined me on this journey,
it is OK, because, this is my road and it has no goal and there are no directions.

I can wander as much as I wish because no one is waiting at the end of my road.
i just have to keep myself with me...and not lose it on the way.

Getting wet in the rain...

I was walking on the road.
And I saw a rainbow..far far away.
I wanted to touch it and kept walking towards it.
One day passed, one week passed, one month passed.
Another month, then another and another and another...
i started getting closer and closer.
It seemed that the rainbow was for me.
It was what made the world so special for me....
So it went on - and I lost track of time, space, day, night.
I had only one dream - i wanted to gather the rainbow in my arms.
Wanted to be wrapped in it..
to be immersed in the glorious colors of nature.
Feel the falling raindrops on my face,
let the sunshine warm my heart -
Lose myself in the wonder of it all.

When i reached out, i could feel the vibrance of the colors,
but, somehow, many times, when i tried to hug it to me,
suddenly the sunshine was gone, it was cloudy, and the rainbow disappeared.

When the sunshine disappeared, i felt alone and so lonely.
It dawned on me that maybe i tried too hard to get there..
to be one with something that was a figment of my own imagination.
Something that was just a trick of the light,
Little moments of joy that I was trying to stretch into happiness.
It was a vision floating in my own mind.
I dreamt up the sunlight, i made it rain.
I drew the rainbow myself , in my own mind.
And I thought it was there to stay. with me.
That it would color my life. Forever.

It never occured to me, that the raindrops were but a showering of a passing cloud.
the brilliance was just the sun peeking out for a little stretch .

It takes rain and sunshine to make up the wonder that is a rainbow.
It cannot rain forever, the clouds also need a break.
The sun cannot keep shining in my life alone,
it must also spread light on the other end of the world.
Sometimes, they visited me together - and glorified me.
what remains, is only the experience of this wonder of nature.
The beauty of a moment,that will stay etched into my mind,
it is my own special memory.

It is nice that i had the chance to have an experience like this .
And maybe there will come another moment -
when i will get wet in the rain again,
while the sunshine spreads its warmth on my face.

It may or may not be...
In the meantime, at least I am getting wet in the rain.
Letting it wash my tears away.

The lone traveller..

He, who walks alone,
May not be the fastest.
But he will be the surest.

He may not be the most joyous,
but he will have peace.

He may not be singing in a chorus,
but he will whistle his favorite tunes.

He, who walks alone,
May not have popularity as his virtue,
but he will have self respect.

He may not have someone to talk to,
but he can listen to his own thoughts.

He may not have many connections,
but he can connect with his inner self.

He, who walks alone,
May not be doing it out of his own choice,
but he can make the most of his solitude.

He, who walks alone,
he may have been deserted on his way,
but, that will not keep him from making his journey.

He, who walks alone,
He may also have cravings for a shadow
that will walk with him..
For his soul & his spirit to have a mirror.

On this ardous journey,
He may be walking alone, but his own reflections and inner strength...
Will make him overcome his 'tanha' and 'dukkha'.

In the end...

In the end,
there is always a new beginning.

The dark dusky sky
will be lit up in the dawn.

The waves will wash over the sand,
And recede - only to come back again.
Stronger than ever..

The storm will leave behind a hush,
that'll be broken by the chirping birds...

At the end of the tunnel,
there is always a light..

When u reach the dead end of the road,
just soar and let yourself go...
Up and away, from what seems like the end.
Find yourself a new flight...

Like the sprinter who raced with his heart,
When he steps over at the end line,
Putting everyone behind him,
He makes a new beginning...

Like my little boy,

While swimming,

At the end of the lap, he just turns around.

And everyone just stands and watches.

So will I.

I will fear not the end..

It's time.

For a new beginning.

Here..

The inviting blueness of the sky,
it beckons me - to explore the beyond.

The light breeze,
it touches my face - invites me to be one with it.

The rustling leaves,
they whisper to me - sharing secrets that i didn't know..

The waves of the ocean,
they sing a lullaby - invigorating my tired mind..

HERE,
i can sleep...
i can dream...
i can awaken...
the spirits of my soul.

HERE,
I can forget .
I can think .
I can do ..whatever i want....
bcoz ,
HERE,
I can feed my soul and imagine,
What has not BEEN, but will BE....

Something about u...

If i could say one thing about u,
what would it be ?

U r the wind that rustles the leaves ?

or that u make me sway with the dreams u weave ?
U r the angel from heaven - sent to perfect my days ?
or that u make me think in so many different ways ?

u can smile and spread cheer,
and wipe away the loneliest tear...

u can touch a heart when u dont even come near,
u can make a person throw away his fear...
u can act as an adult as well as think like a child,
u can look me in the eye and drive me wild..?

If there was one thing i could say about u,
what would it be ?

U touch my heart, my soul, my mind, my core.

U tell me - need i say anything more ?

I saw him.

The other day..

i saw him,
with my soul.
he was there...right next to me.

i saw him when my eyes were closed,
he was on my mind.
he was walking...each step with me.

i saw him in my sleep,
we talked forever.
in black, white n color...he made me dream.

he made me sway !
he made me swing !
he made me sing !

he was not there..but i SAW him !!